Sinister (2012)

  

I went to this movie without knowing what it was about. That's pretty incredible for me as I am the kind of person that has to read the last chapter in a book before I even get half-way through, because I don't like too much suspense. How that works with my obsession with scary movies, doesn't really make sense, because that's what scary movies are about: suspense. Sure, okay, I contradict myself, but in the words of Walt Whitman "I am large, I contain multitudes" (Song of Myself). Therefore, I'm not going to think too much about it, I'll just accept myself the way I am, but I digress. . .  

Sinister started off . . . well . . . sinister; menacing, blackhearted, disquieting, foreboding, and disturbing. The opening scene begins with a family of four, standing shoulder-to-shoulder under a tree. Brown rucksacks have been placed over their heads, their hands are tied behind their backs, and the most sinister element of all: they each have a noose around their neck. The nooses are rigged up and around the tree and tied to a lower-hanging branch, that, when cut, lifts the family into their air. In slow motion you watch as the family struggles, each kicking and jerking, until one-by-one they cease to move. 

Although, not entirely sold on the movie at this point, my interest was at least piqued.

Okay, so I feel I have to qualify that statement; I have a slight neurotic tendency to analyze everything - thanks to my years as an English lit major (p.s. don't judge my writing on that little piece of disclosed information, I'm a literature major, not a writing major) - a neurotic tendency that has made it rather hard to just sit back and enjoy a movie at face value. I probably would have enjoyed this movie a little more if I didn't automatically want to consider Structuralism, Linguistics, and Narratology - granted, I wouldn't have it any other way; I rather enjoy putting on my Foucault glasses, but I think I may have lost the ability to slip into the unreality of a movie - the ability to make the reality of the movie my own reality, and I think that is why I don't get scared anymore . . . but what does this have to do with this particular movie? I may have gone on too much of a tangent here . . . what was my point? 

I guess my point is, I was only slightly impressed by the opening scene, I wasn't going to freak out about it because, let's face it, when someone wants to do something for shock value, it loses its shock value. I'm not saying it didn't set up the movie nicely, I just wasn't going to get my hopes up on the basis of an opening scene that, to me, was trying too hard. And I was right not to get too excited, because the very next scene completely disappointed me. It took me back to that godawful G.I. Joe with Channing Tatum ( I spent that whole movie literally staring at the corner fabric around the screen - partly because of a bad hangover, but mostly because that movie sucked ass). 

I thought I was in for another two hours of staring off into nothingness, wishing I hadn't drank as much as I had the night before, when the hokey, cliched scene of the protagonist, in the process of moving his family into a new home, is told by the disgruntled, small town sheriff to "pack up [his] things and go back where [he] came from" made its appearance. Gah! Seriously? All we needed was the family to be in an RV and the sheriff to be the creepy attendant at a broken-down gas station in the middle of fucking nowhere, and we'd be set. Needless to say, my hopes plummeted at this scene. 

However, my dear friends, hope does float (whatever that means, amiright?) this movie is not all that bad. In fact, it gets much better. It's centered on Ellison Oswalt (Ethan Hawk - hubba hubba) a True Crime novelist (one of my favorite genres) who moves into the house of the family that had been murdered at the beginning of the movie, in order to do research for his next book. Of course, scary weird things begin to happen and Mr. Oswalt almost goes insane. 

The story is rather intriguing, there are plenty of jumpy moments, and the bloody, shocking scenes, make up for the lame-ass beginning, but unfortunately, the movie just couldn't keep up with itself.

The ending is, in itself, completely unexpected and chilling - in theory, however, in practice, it was just cheesy. I understand that making a truly scary movie is almost impossible, so I don't hold it against the creators, but, let's face it, this is just a one-time only kind of film. If you watch it more than once, you'll find that the story can't hold itself together, because it wants to go in all sorts of directions. It's not as bad as the Grudge which just flashed scary images at random for no reason, but Sinister loses itself somewhere in the last few scenes, and it could be rather disappointing if you think about it too long. Which I do. All the time.

What Constitutes Scary?

As I try to figure out what is really scary, I find myself completely stumped. I know what I think is scary, but there is no way to come up with a universal concept of "really scary"; and without an idea of what is truly scary, how can I possibly find that truly scary movie?

For some people, the scariest movies are those about the psychotic nobody who takes it upon himself to punish the wicked in really gruesome and horrifying ways. Movies like Saw and Seven come to mind. I cannot deny that such stories make me squeamish, but they don't frighten me as much as they revolt me - and more often than not, I become so aggravated by the infuriating and self-deluded logic behind the antagonist's actions, it becomes impossible for me to get anything else out of the story; especially that scary feeling I'm looking for.  

I also can't stand these movies because they pander to this idea of bigger and better - what can we do to one-up the other guy - rather than focus on quality film making. What disturbs me the most about these movies is the sick pleasure we seem to get from human suffering. Being infatuated with the horror genre myself, I can't say too much about this without being hypocritical, but let me just say that humanity hasn't come very far in terms of entertainment. We might hem and haw at the idea of public executions being a form of entertainment, but how is it any different from Saw? Because it's not real? The methods portrayed in these movies were real enough back during the crusades. That's enough to turn me right off thank you very much.

Serial Killer, Albert Fish

This is where I get myself backed into a corner, because while I hate Saw, I am extremely interested in serial killers. How can I justify my unfailing interest in serial killers when I make a big deal about fake murderers? It just doesn't make any sense. But that's the way I feel, so there ya go.

Anyway, the point behind all this is: in my personal search for that truly scary movie, the scariest thing I have found is not a movie, but a television series: "In Cold Blood". I get absolutely, down to the bone chills, when I watch true crime documentaries, and this is a good one. So if you are looking for that creepy, exhilarating feeling, watch Investigation Discovery's "In Cold Blood" on the Discovery Channel while you're alone at night; try not to focus on the cheese ball reenactments too much, and watch more than one. It's freaky.

The Maid (2005)

As the poster states: the Maid is "part Sixth Sense, part Ju-On" with a combination of the scary and the mysterious; in fact, you don't really understand what is going on until the end - not to say that the movie doesn't make sense, because it definitely makes sense, but you aren't entirely aware of certain important details.

What I loved about this movie, aside from the story line, was that it brought together two completely different cultures as the crux of the plot.

What seems to be the main issue (I say seems, because the end suggests something different - maybe - no spoilers please) is that  Rosa (Alessandra de Rossi), a young girl from the Philippines, having moved to Singapore to work as a maid for the Teo family, unwittingly angers spirits that have been let out of hell during the lunar seventh month.

Of course, Rosa is unfamiliar with Chinese beliefs so doesn't realize what she has done. And while it would have been nice for the Teo family to, oh I don't know, tell her about their practices and beliefs (such as not sweeping up the offerings they have set out to appease the spirits), they just let her figure things out on her own - or chew her out afterwards.


As Rosa tries to figure out what is going on, she discovers a dark secret from the Teo's past - something absolutely horrible - and soon it's not just the ghosts she has to look out for.

This movie has plenty of jumpy moments that are perfect for a scary ghost story, but what is even better is that not every ghostly encounter Rosa has makes you jump. Some of her encounters are purely, deliciously creepy.


This is definitely a good Halloween choice - and it's on Netflix!

Madhouse (1974)

Taking a side-tour for a moment; let me tell you about Madhouse. Although, not exactly the fear-inducing flick I'm in search of, this cult classic is probably one of the best I've seen since Evil Dead.

King of horror, Vincent Price, plays Paul, an unlucky movie star in this classic slasher. Known best for his roles as "Dr. Death," a character developed by his good friend Herb (Peter Cushing, whom you might remember as Grand Moff Tarkin in Star Wars), Paul soon becomes the victim of foul play.

At the premier of his latest film, Paul's super hot fiancee is decapitated by a man dressed as Paul's character, Dr. Death, leading everyone to believe Paul has gone coo-coo for cocoa puffs and killed her.

Happily, after a short stint in the loony bin, Paul makes his way back into show business, again playing Dr. Death, this time in a t.v. show (certainly a smart move for someone suspected to be a crazy murderer). However, that beastly Dr. Death wannabe soon returns (surprise, surprise), killing everyone in Paul's life. Unsure whether he really is unknowingly dressing up as his character and killing people, Paul rapidly loses it - again.

The best aspect of this move is, without a doubt, Vincent Price, with his dry sense of humor and superb acting. The costumes in this film are also to die for - especially Vincent's makeup - I loved it.


As horror-comedies go, this is spectacular. A perfect Halloween treat.

Them or Ils (2006)

Plenty of scary movies like to heighten the fear factor by saying it's based on a true story, or taken from actual events; however, more than half the time it's just not true. Sure, you could say that Texas Chainsaw Massacre or Psycho are based on real events, but that's taking an extremely broad view. Both TCM and Psycho were influenced by the ever so lovable Ed Gein, but that doesn't mean the events depicted in the movies were true to life. While he did use women's flesh as lampshades and nipples as belts, he didn't, for example, keep his mother's dead body in the basement. Although the real story of Ed Gein is frightening and horrific enough, Hollywood just can't help but twist things to an absurd degree. 

These were my first thoughts at the beginning of Them when the words "based on true events" flashed onscreen. 

Basically, the movie centers on a young French couple who have just recently moved to Romania. Clementine (Olivia Bonamy) is a French teacher at the local middle school living with her boyfriend, Lucas (Michael Cohen), a writer. They are still getting settled in their over-sized home, apparently out in the middle of nowhere, when they are tormented by an unknown force. 

I say "unknown force" because, although they look like people, you never really get a good look at them, and they also make a ratcheting sound that no human being could make. It also annoyed me that the horror movie cliched "invincible bad guy" appeared to be a factor.

Have you ever seen Behind the Mask: the Rise of Leslie Vernon? You should. It's great. Leslie is the prototype Scary Movie Stalker, who takes us behind the scenes of his own murderous rampage. He shows us the secrets of how to be a good Scary Movie Stalker. What's most awesome about this movie is that it points out the unrealistic and truly absurd elements scary movies apply to their bad guys.  One of the things he mentioned was that, in chasing his victims, he had to appear to be walking while still keeping up with his sprinting target. It's ridiculous. But, on to my point:

It seemed like there were only two of these man-creature things chasing the poor couple, which made it seem just as unrealistic as Leslie Vernon's walking-while-staying-caught-up-with-the-sprinting-coed routine, and made me slightly annoyed. I was freaked out - don't get me wrong - but in the back of my head I was like: so much for being based on true events, this is just another case of overcompensating the facts. That is, until the very end. Holymosesonastick. Talk about terrifying. This movie is amazing, but I would suggest you don't watch it while you're home alone, you might regret it.

Shutter (2004)

I recently came across this movie, and, although I had low expectations, have become obsessed with it. I do tend to lean towards foreign horror films because they lack that ever so tacky Hollywood style of American horror. They tend to be more creepy, and this movie is creepy.

It centers on a young Thai couple who, on their way home from a night of drinking, accidentally hit a female pedestrian. Of course, they don't check to see if she's okay, they just drive off. A few days later, what seems to be the ghost of the unknown pedestrian, begins to haunt them. The movie goes off into two different directions as the guy, Tun (Ananda Everingham), a professional photographer, tries to deny that anything is going on, and Jane (Natthaweeranuch Thongmee), unwilling to ignore the events, tries to figure out what is happening and, more importantly, why.

Things take a turn when Jane and Tun go back to the site of the accident to find construction workers fixing the billboard they had crashed into just after hitting the girl; they are told by a construction worker that there had been no fatalities that night. No one had been hit. Unable to find any record of a woman being admitted into a hospital that night, or any deaths related to a car crash, Jane and Tun's situation becomes even more ominous.

The combination of horror and mystery, is phenomenal, but what I loved most about this movie, was the brilliance behind the production. Every little thing is done on purpose - as opposed to, say, the Grudge where they flash random scary images that have nothing to do with the plot at all. You have to watch the movie again and again, just to pick up on the subtleties that hold the plot together.

Shutter envelopes you in the world of the movie; holding you captive to the very end, when that final image, that final oh-my-god moment, reaches into your chest and freezes your heart. This film is brilliant.  

  

Mission Statement

Every October I have this unquenchable desire to watch as many frightening movies I can find. Unfortunately, finding a scary movie is a hit or miss kind of endeavor, and for me, it’s been mostly a miss. So I make a resolution every year to find the best scary movie, but whenever I research the scariest scary movies, I can never find anything other than The Exorcist or The Omen; movies I can barely sit through without slipping into a coma. I’ve decided to make my own list of the best scary movies I’ve seen. I’ve come up with my own rating system, and a method/formula for how I rate them. I know I’ll miss certain awesome movies so, if anyone has a movie I haven’t mentioned, or you don’t think I’ll know, tell me about it! I am on a mission to find a great scary movie, and the more help, the better.

As of now, I've got a small list of some of the best movies I've seen this year. 

1. Shutter *the original* (Thailand, 2004) Dir. Banjong Pisanthanakun & Parkpoom Wongpoom

2. Them or Ils (France, 2006) Dir. David Moreau & Xavier Palud

3. The Maid (Malaysia, 2005) Dir. Kelvin Tong

4. Muoi: the Legend of a Portrait (Korea, 2007) Dir. Tae-Kyeong Kim

I'll discuss each of these movies separately at a later date. As for other good scary movies? There are more to come :)