Mama (2013)

Mama is a pretty decent horror movie written by Neil Cross, Barbara Muschietti, and Andrés Muschietti (who also directed the film). 

The story begins quite tragically, leaving two defenseless children (3 and 1) to fend for themselves in the wild. We all know what happens when children grow up in the wild. So when their uncle finally finds them three years later the two girls are as feral as cats. The oldest girl, Victoria played by Megan Charpentier, having been 3-years-old at the time of their disappearance, reintegrates into society much better than her little sister, Lilly, played by Isabelle Nélisse. 

During their isolation from society, the two sisters find love and protection from a frightening spirit (seriously, she makes the boogie man look cuddly) they call Mama. When Victoria and Lilly are found and brought back to society, Mama becomes jealous, wanting the girls to herself. 

Wouldn't you just love to have this as your mama?
Such a loving mother figure right?
Looks more like the mother of Satan. 

Everything does not go according to plan as the girls' uncle, played by Nikolaj Coster-Waldau is thrown down the stairs by Mama and inevitably ends up in a coma leaving the two children to be cared for by his rock-and-roller girlfriend Annabelle, played by Jessica Chastain. 

Annabelle never wanted children and from the start she comes off as a selfish prat with the maturity of a 15-year-old. The question is, are the girls better off with Mama or Annabelle? 

Annabelle, as cuddly as a cactus

While some of the special effects leave a lot to the imagination, the plot is rather good and the moments that make you jump or feel like spiders are crawling all over you, keep the movie going. You also find yourself falling in love with the characters. I for one instantly fell in love with the 3-year-old Victoria played by Morgan McGarry. Little Victoria is the cutest little girl I think I've ever seen, and when she wears her glasses I just want to squeeze her. 

I want one!

It's truly heartbreaking when little Victoria and her baby sister are left stranded in the creepiest cottage out in the middle of nowhere you've ever seen. Although, speaking of that cottage; it's literally out in the middle of nowhere, it's haunted by a 100-year-old ghost who never lived in said place, and it's completely modern. Electric fixtures, slightly outdated but decent furniture, decorations, the works. Where the hell did this place come from? Who built it? What happened to them? Why build such a nice home in a place you can't even get to?

These questions and more I asked myself, yet there are no answers, and we must assume that Mama found the place shortly after it was built and furnished, liked it enough to claim it her own, and ate the original owner - a recluse with pretty decent taste.

Despite unanswered questions and overly-done special effects, the movie does a pretty decent job; after all, it's impossible to produce a flawless scary movie, so I will forgive Mama's shortcomings, especially since they are made up by good acting. Good acting is so hard to find these days, so I was impressed that they not only got a convincing adult actor (Jessica Chastain) but they succeeded in finding three really amazing child actors. This in and of itself is rather impressive. 

And, as a side note, I must say that Isabelle Nélisse's performance as the wild Lilly was especially amazing.

She will do great things

 All-in-all, this movie, while not the greatest of it's kind, is quite entertaining and certainly a good watch. Don't judge the erratic writing too much, in the end it comes together.

Resolution (2012)

Dave and I had just been skimming through Vudu one night, searching for something relatively interesting to watch when Resolution came up. We don't really get out much and so don't know any of the newer movies that have come out within the last year or two, so we hadn't ever heard of Resolution, but I was interested by the picture (yes, I am often swayed and often judge a book by its cover, sue me). After watching about 5 seconds of the trailer, we decided to give it a try, and were not disappointed. 

The acting is what really makes this movie. Vinny Curran who plays meth-head Chris Daniels is probably my most favorite thing about the film; however, Peter Cilella is also an amazing actor, and I thoroughly enjoyed his performance.

At first you aren't sure what to think about this movie. Things happen that would normally freak the shit right out of you, but Curran has a way of brushing it off so you underestimate the threat. It's toward the end, when he can no longer brush it off so easily that you become really frightened.

This movie was the first time in a long time where I experienced real, paralyzing fright. I have no real way of explaining the psychological effects this movie had on me. The possibilities and uncertainties that play out toward the end are just freaky.

Sinister (2012)

  

I went to this movie without knowing what it was about. That's pretty incredible for me as I am the kind of person that has to read the last chapter in a book before I even get half-way through, because I don't like too much suspense. How that works with my obsession with scary movies, doesn't really make sense, because that's what scary movies are about: suspense. Sure, okay, I contradict myself, but in the words of Walt Whitman "I am large, I contain multitudes" (Song of Myself). Therefore, I'm not going to think too much about it, I'll just accept myself the way I am, but I digress. . .  

Sinister started off . . . well . . . sinister; menacing, blackhearted, disquieting, foreboding, and disturbing. The opening scene begins with a family of four, standing shoulder-to-shoulder under a tree. Brown rucksacks have been placed over their heads, their hands are tied behind their backs, and the most sinister element of all: they each have a noose around their neck. The nooses are rigged up and around the tree and tied to a lower-hanging branch, that, when cut, lifts the family into their air. In slow motion you watch as the family struggles, each kicking and jerking, until one-by-one they cease to move. 

Although, not entirely sold on the movie at this point, my interest was at least piqued.

Okay, so I feel I have to qualify that statement; I have a slight neurotic tendency to analyze everything - thanks to my years as an English lit major (p.s. don't judge my writing on that little piece of disclosed information, I'm a literature major, not a writing major) - a neurotic tendency that has made it rather hard to just sit back and enjoy a movie at face value. I probably would have enjoyed this movie a little more if I didn't automatically want to consider Structuralism, Linguistics, and Narratology - granted, I wouldn't have it any other way; I rather enjoy putting on my Foucault glasses, but I think I may have lost the ability to slip into the unreality of a movie - the ability to make the reality of the movie my own reality, and I think that is why I don't get scared anymore . . . but what does this have to do with this particular movie? I may have gone on too much of a tangent here . . . what was my point? 

I guess my point is, I was only slightly impressed by the opening scene, I wasn't going to freak out about it because, let's face it, when someone wants to do something for shock value, it loses its shock value. I'm not saying it didn't set up the movie nicely, I just wasn't going to get my hopes up on the basis of an opening scene that, to me, was trying too hard. And I was right not to get too excited, because the very next scene completely disappointed me. It took me back to that godawful G.I. Joe with Channing Tatum ( I spent that whole movie literally staring at the corner fabric around the screen - partly because of a bad hangover, but mostly because that movie sucked ass). 

I thought I was in for another two hours of staring off into nothingness, wishing I hadn't drank as much as I had the night before, when the hokey, cliched scene of the protagonist, in the process of moving his family into a new home, is told by the disgruntled, small town sheriff to "pack up [his] things and go back where [he] came from" made its appearance. Gah! Seriously? All we needed was the family to be in an RV and the sheriff to be the creepy attendant at a broken-down gas station in the middle of fucking nowhere, and we'd be set. Needless to say, my hopes plummeted at this scene. 

However, my dear friends, hope does float (whatever that means, amiright?) this movie is not all that bad. In fact, it gets much better. It's centered on Ellison Oswalt (Ethan Hawk - hubba hubba) a True Crime novelist (one of my favorite genres) who moves into the house of the family that had been murdered at the beginning of the movie, in order to do research for his next book. Of course, scary weird things begin to happen and Mr. Oswalt almost goes insane. 

The story is rather intriguing, there are plenty of jumpy moments, and the bloody, shocking scenes, make up for the lame-ass beginning, but unfortunately, the movie just couldn't keep up with itself.

The ending is, in itself, completely unexpected and chilling - in theory, however, in practice, it was just cheesy. I understand that making a truly scary movie is almost impossible, so I don't hold it against the creators, but, let's face it, this is just a one-time only kind of film. If you watch it more than once, you'll find that the story can't hold itself together, because it wants to go in all sorts of directions. It's not as bad as the Grudge which just flashed scary images at random for no reason, but Sinister loses itself somewhere in the last few scenes, and it could be rather disappointing if you think about it too long. Which I do. All the time.

What Constitutes Scary?

As I try to figure out what is really scary, I find myself completely stumped. I know what I think is scary, but there is no way to come up with a universal concept of "really scary"; and without an idea of what is truly scary, how can I possibly find that truly scary movie?

For some people, the scariest movies are those about the psychotic nobody who takes it upon himself to punish the wicked in really gruesome and horrifying ways. Movies like Saw and Seven come to mind. I cannot deny that such stories make me squeamish, but they don't frighten me as much as they revolt me - and more often than not, I become so aggravated by the infuriating and self-deluded logic behind the antagonist's actions, it becomes impossible for me to get anything else out of the story; especially that scary feeling I'm looking for.  

I also can't stand these movies because they pander to this idea of bigger and better - what can we do to one-up the other guy - rather than focus on quality film making. What disturbs me the most about these movies is the sick pleasure we seem to get from human suffering. Being infatuated with the horror genre myself, I can't say too much about this without being hypocritical, but let me just say that humanity hasn't come very far in terms of entertainment. We might hem and haw at the idea of public executions being a form of entertainment, but how is it any different from Saw? Because it's not real? The methods portrayed in these movies were real enough back during the crusades. That's enough to turn me right off thank you very much.

Serial Killer, Albert Fish

This is where I get myself backed into a corner, because while I hate Saw, I am extremely interested in serial killers. How can I justify my unfailing interest in serial killers when I make a big deal about fake murderers? It just doesn't make any sense. But that's the way I feel, so there ya go.

Anyway, the point behind all this is: in my personal search for that truly scary movie, the scariest thing I have found is not a movie, but a television series: "In Cold Blood". I get absolutely, down to the bone chills, when I watch true crime documentaries, and this is a good one. So if you are looking for that creepy, exhilarating feeling, watch Investigation Discovery's "In Cold Blood" on the Discovery Channel while you're alone at night; try not to focus on the cheese ball reenactments too much, and watch more than one. It's freaky.

The Maid (2005)

As the poster states: the Maid is "part Sixth Sense, part Ju-On" with a combination of the scary and the mysterious; in fact, you don't really understand what is going on until the end - not to say that the movie doesn't make sense, because it definitely makes sense, but you aren't entirely aware of certain important details.

What I loved about this movie, aside from the story line, was that it brought together two completely different cultures as the crux of the plot.

What seems to be the main issue (I say seems, because the end suggests something different - maybe - no spoilers please) is that  Rosa (Alessandra de Rossi), a young girl from the Philippines, having moved to Singapore to work as a maid for the Teo family, unwittingly angers spirits that have been let out of hell during the lunar seventh month.

Of course, Rosa is unfamiliar with Chinese beliefs so doesn't realize what she has done. And while it would have been nice for the Teo family to, oh I don't know, tell her about their practices and beliefs (such as not sweeping up the offerings they have set out to appease the spirits), they just let her figure things out on her own - or chew her out afterwards.


As Rosa tries to figure out what is going on, she discovers a dark secret from the Teo's past - something absolutely horrible - and soon it's not just the ghosts she has to look out for.

This movie has plenty of jumpy moments that are perfect for a scary ghost story, but what is even better is that not every ghostly encounter Rosa has makes you jump. Some of her encounters are purely, deliciously creepy.


This is definitely a good Halloween choice - and it's on Netflix!

Madhouse (1974)

Taking a side-tour for a moment; let me tell you about Madhouse. Although, not exactly the fear-inducing flick I'm in search of, this cult classic is probably one of the best I've seen since Evil Dead.

King of horror, Vincent Price, plays Paul, an unlucky movie star in this classic slasher. Known best for his roles as "Dr. Death," a character developed by his good friend Herb (Peter Cushing, whom you might remember as Grand Moff Tarkin in Star Wars), Paul soon becomes the victim of foul play.

At the premier of his latest film, Paul's super hot fiancee is decapitated by a man dressed as Paul's character, Dr. Death, leading everyone to believe Paul has gone coo-coo for cocoa puffs and killed her.

Happily, after a short stint in the loony bin, Paul makes his way back into show business, again playing Dr. Death, this time in a t.v. show (certainly a smart move for someone suspected to be a crazy murderer). However, that beastly Dr. Death wannabe soon returns (surprise, surprise), killing everyone in Paul's life. Unsure whether he really is unknowingly dressing up as his character and killing people, Paul rapidly loses it - again.

The best aspect of this move is, without a doubt, Vincent Price, with his dry sense of humor and superb acting. The costumes in this film are also to die for - especially Vincent's makeup - I loved it.


As horror-comedies go, this is spectacular. A perfect Halloween treat.

Them or Ils (2006)

Plenty of scary movies like to heighten the fear factor by saying it's based on a true story, or taken from actual events; however, more than half the time it's just not true. Sure, you could say that Texas Chainsaw Massacre or Psycho are based on real events, but that's taking an extremely broad view. Both TCM and Psycho were influenced by the ever so lovable Ed Gein, but that doesn't mean the events depicted in the movies were true to life. While he did use women's flesh as lampshades and nipples as belts, he didn't, for example, keep his mother's dead body in the basement. Although the real story of Ed Gein is frightening and horrific enough, Hollywood just can't help but twist things to an absurd degree. 

These were my first thoughts at the beginning of Them when the words "based on true events" flashed onscreen. 

Basically, the movie centers on a young French couple who have just recently moved to Romania. Clementine (Olivia Bonamy) is a French teacher at the local middle school living with her boyfriend, Lucas (Michael Cohen), a writer. They are still getting settled in their over-sized home, apparently out in the middle of nowhere, when they are tormented by an unknown force. 

I say "unknown force" because, although they look like people, you never really get a good look at them, and they also make a ratcheting sound that no human being could make. It also annoyed me that the horror movie cliched "invincible bad guy" appeared to be a factor.

Have you ever seen Behind the Mask: the Rise of Leslie Vernon? You should. It's great. Leslie is the prototype Scary Movie Stalker, who takes us behind the scenes of his own murderous rampage. He shows us the secrets of how to be a good Scary Movie Stalker. What's most awesome about this movie is that it points out the unrealistic and truly absurd elements scary movies apply to their bad guys.  One of the things he mentioned was that, in chasing his victims, he had to appear to be walking while still keeping up with his sprinting target. It's ridiculous. But, on to my point:

It seemed like there were only two of these man-creature things chasing the poor couple, which made it seem just as unrealistic as Leslie Vernon's walking-while-staying-caught-up-with-the-sprinting-coed routine, and made me slightly annoyed. I was freaked out - don't get me wrong - but in the back of my head I was like: so much for being based on true events, this is just another case of overcompensating the facts. That is, until the very end. Holymosesonastick. Talk about terrifying. This movie is amazing, but I would suggest you don't watch it while you're home alone, you might regret it.